Help, my daughter is spoiled rotten

Today I saw an old episode of The Dr. Phil show entitled Racy Tweens and it was both heartbreaking and unbelievable at the same time.  I walked in on the back end, where Dr. Phil was speaking with a mother and her 10 year old daughter.  The mother began by sharing how she has trouble saying “NO” to her daughter who, at 10 years old, has a monthly spa bill of $600.  

As I watched in amazement I was thinking to myself,  “Really…I am a grown,  working adult and I don’t have a monthly spa bill of  anything even close to  that amount”.  As Dr. Phil spoke to the mother it was  revealed that in an  effort to please her daughter, the mother would buy the  things she wanted,  despite the fact that she often would put off basic  household essentials  like the families utility bill, because it was just that  difficult to say  “NO”.

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Watching the show reminded me of so many of the young girls  I have come in  contact with over the years, who sadly are growing up with  too much too  soon.  In an effort to make things better for their  children, many parents  are, in essence, hurting their children by focusing more on  cash and  materialism than on character. As a result, many kids, and  especially girls,  begin to equate their worth and value with the material  things they possess.

Just think, if a young girl has a spa bill of $600/month at  age 10, what in  the world will she be expecting  at 20 years old?  Don’t get me wrong, I  totally understand a mother’s desire to give her daughter  fine things and  shower her with gifts.  As parents, my husband and I  love to bless our  children with nice things too, but we also have a  responsibility to teach  them real lessons in wisdom responsibility and stewardship.

Although, this mother was focused on a $600/month spa  allowance and $1,500  birthday party, there are plenty of others who spend the  same type of money  on expensive electronics, shoes and clothes. I could sense  the mothers  embarrassment and frustration as she admitted that her  daughter’s attitude  and sense of entitlement was something she created.

If I had an opportunity to speak to that mother or any other  parents dealing  with a similar predicament, I would provide these simple six tips:

• Set limits and stick to them.  Kids need structure and boundaries,  even though they often fight them with tooth and nail.  Nonetheless, as  parents, we need to create healthy limits that are age  appropriate.  And  once those limits are set in place, make every effort to  stick to them.   

• Seek opportunities to serve others as a  family.  Exposing children  to others less fortunate is an incredible way to be a  blessing to others  while also teaching kids a lesson on appreciation.  Consider adopting a  family, spend time at the local soup kitchen volunteering,  or plan a family  service project.  Whenever possible, have your children  involved in planning  the project and create opportunities to discuss the  experience afterwards.

• Set up a bank Account for your child.  There is nothing more powerful  that seeing your money grow.  Check with your bank or  local credit union to  see what saving accounts they have available for kids.  Often times, the  require no minimum balance and have no monthly fees. (Example:  PNC’s Grow Up Great Program).

• Create opportunities for you child to  earn gifts versus developing a  sense of entitlement.  Some families pay their children  for chores or  household projects.  Others help their children develop  small  entrepreneurial opportunities like cutting grass,  babysitting, or selling  crafts.  Either way, work closely with your children to  teach them the how  save a portion of their money.

• Teach your children the value of a  dollar.  Consider creating a  family budget and share details, at an age appropriate  level, on the monthly  family expenses. Also consider creating financial scenarios  for your  children to practice budgeting and spending.

• Learn to say “No” without apology.  Kids will test the limits and  push the envelope when given the opportunity.  Don’t  feel bad for saying NO  when needed. In fact, I encourage you to practice in the  mirror, saying “No”  with different facial expressions and tones.  And once  you say NO, leave it  there. 

• Require your children to contribute  towards expensive ticket items. Help your children set their own personal budgets for toys,  electronics and  contribute towards the purchase.