Help!!! My daughter has lost her brain

Having worked with thousands of parents over the past two decades and listening to their frustrations as it pertains to their daughters, I am reminded of a story my Mother often tells of a day when as she says, “her dear sweet pre-teen daughter went off to school and when the bus arrived in the afternoon off stepped an alien who lived in her house for 4-5 years”.  Although my memories of my adolescent years, fade in and out from time to time, I must admit there was a time in my past when by all appearances it seemed I had lost my mind.

An impressionable, hormonal, pre-teen girl concerned about the many things that often pre-occupy the hearts and mind of girls. Unsure about the future and how I fit in, I like many other young girls was insecure in more ways than even I could imagine.

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Yet with all the uncertainties of teenage life, one thing I could always depend on was the unconditional love and support of my mother.  Now in no way does this mean that home was without drama, frustrations, and a clash of personalities.  But what I am thankful of most of all, is that through it all, my Mother never gave up hope in the beautiful daughter that she knew she gave birth to.

Likewise, I encourage many of the parents that I come in contact with through the work that we do in Diamond In The Rough, not to give up on their daughters either.  For some parents, it may seem overwhelming at times as tempers fly high, and hormones rage out of control, but what I know first hand is that the love, prayers and support of family can overcome all.

Parents can take many steps to create an environment where communications flow freely and their homes become a place of refuge from a crazy world. A few suggestions include:

1. Take time out – In a busy world, it’s very easy for parents to become consumed with the pressures and demands of life, but contrary to popular belief, many youth actually equate their parents love with the amount of time they spend, not with the stuff they buy.
2. Don’t make assumptions – Don’t assume that because your daughter is growing and developing that her teenage years are going to be unbearable.  Every child is unique and requires a unique approach.  Even parents with multiple children report having to nurture siblings in different ways.
3. Set the atmosphere – Believe it our not most girls would prefer talking with their parents about the difficult subjects they face. However, they will only open up if they feel parents will be open to their questions.  It’s up to parents to create an open environment were youth can not only talk but also be heard.
4. Set boundaries and verbalize your expectations – Many parents make the mistake of trying to be their daughter’s best friends, but youth need structure and they need boundaries.  Parents need to make their family values known to their children and go a step further by actually living them out.  Your teens will have many friends over their lifetime, but will only have one set of parents (in most cases).
5. Celebrate your daughters – Love your daughters unconditionally and don’t miss everyday opportunities to express your love and appreciation for them.  Whether it’s writing note and placing it under her pillow, buying flowers when she accomplishes a personal goal, complimenting her on her uniqueness, or making her favorite meal together as you talk about her dreams.  Seize every opportunity large and small to communicate your love and appreciate for her.  It will truly mean more than you could ever imagine.

Nicole Steele is President of GEM Makers, LLC and Executive Director of Diamond In The Rough a faith-based leadership program that provides group mentoring, life skills training and career coaching to girls ages 4-18. For more information on Diamond In The Rough visit www.ditr.org or call (678) 376-9676. Copyright 2014  Nicole Steele and GEM Makers LLC. Used with permission.